Justin Bieber, Colorado Springs, and not knowing what to say

Like many others I have been trying to make sense of a seemingly endless stream of violence in the news the past few weeks. Though there have been dozens of topics to write and reflect on, I didn’t feel like I had anything coherent to say. I struggled to keep up with and make sense of not only the “facts”, but the stream of reactions and commentary that goes with them. By the time the recent shooting at the Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs happened, and the social and news media streams turned into what felt like solid vitriol and caps lock, I just shut down and curled up in bed. I needed time to process it all.

A few days before this event in Colorado I had an idea for a blog post. I had been listening to the radio and “What do you mean?” by Justin Bieber had come on. This brought back a conversation I had with a friend a few months earlier when the song hit the radio. We have an ongoing discussion on how popular songs do or don’t reinforce rape culture and issues of sexual consent for women. We had difficulty making a final determination on this song.

"a culture that is uncomfortable with ambivalence and the simultaneous existence of contradictory ideas and feelings. We want things black or white."

In the song, Justin is speaking to a person he is involved with sexually and romantically. He wants to continue the relationship but this person has been giving him mixed signals, oscillating between wanting to be involved, and not. He states this person is running out of time and “better make up [their] mind”. As I listened to the lyrics more closely, attempting to form a more clear argument about this song, it brought up for me something beyond sexual consent.

This song was highlighting for me a culture that is uncomfortable with ambivalence and the simultaneous existence of contradictory ideas and feelings. We want things black or white. Heavily influenced by the digital era, we hate to wait, and crave instant gratification. Born from things like our ability to Google anything anytime anywhere, these ideas are not only applied to the digital realm, but to our personal lives in the living, breathing realm as well. Though it is completely normal to be unsure about how you feel about an individual, or to both want to be in a relationship with someone, and not all at once, Justin, and everyone who he represents, is intolerant of this in his partner. If you can post a photo instantly, let everyone know what you’re doing, or live tweet an event, you should be able to decide how you feel about me right now.
And we can’t always do that. Sometimes it takes us three months to reflect on topic x long enough to understand it ourselves and be able to share that understanding with others. But in three months who will care? On top of intolerance of waiting and ambivalence, we have an obsession with relevancy to deal with. We have all become tiny amateur journalists expected to respond to news and information as it unfolds. Our obsession with relevancy is robbing us of our right to process information at our own speed and our duty to respond thoughtfully.

 

the feeding frenzy of relevancy

There is a lot to consider. Is this commentary productive? Is it the most compassionate response possible? Is it coming from a calm place? Is it reinforcing systems of power, privilege, and oppression? The considerations can seem endless for me sometimes. Sometimes my brain tries to attack them all at once. Sometimes I need to walk away and come back with a fresh mind. Sometimes I get it right the first time. Sometimes I second guess myself. Sometimes I need to talk it out with a trusted friend, or two, or ten. Sometimes I am bursting at the seems with something to say, wanting to step up and engage problematic or oppressive ideas, but sometimes I cannot figure out how to say what I want to say. Sometimes I miss opportunities.

And that’s ok. News and ideas don’t stop affecting us just because they have left the news cycle (which is particularly relevant given that there has been another mass shooting, among other things, that have captured the public and new cycle’s attention since I began writing and editing this piece). They shouldn’t.  I am committed to thinking and writing about issues that affect my community, even if I am a little late. More so, I am committed to having tender, honest conversations with the people in my life. I wanted and still want so badly to engage in conversation about how I saw people react in the wake of Colorado Springs. It touched me in a soft spot. I know I have something to say, but I just don’t know “what I mean”. And it took Justin Bieber to help me realize that acknowledging that might just be my important contribution to the conversation. Kara Blake | 12.1.2015
Kara Blake is a licensed social worker, advocate and writer living and working in Hyannis, Massachusetts. She currently works in the field of Harm Reduction, specifically working with individuals who are HIV+ or at risk for becoming HIV+, as well as providing some outpatient therapy to a wide variety of individuals. She is a graduate of the Columbia University School of Social of Social Work and returned to Cape Cod, where she was raised, to give back to that community.