New Years Eve: A Look Back on the Past Five Years

         On Dec. 31st, 2009, I found myself on top of a mountain in the middle of the Negev Desert in Israel. My unit, the Nahal Brigade, had just finished a tough few months on the Gaza line the day before, and in typical Israeli infantry corps fashion, our winter training was starting off with a bang.

        The goal of this particular training exercise, which involved the entirety of the 932nd battalion, was basically "conquering" several large hills in the desert, complete with cardboard cutout and balloon "enemies" to "kill". My platoon's job was to give covering fire for the rest of the battalion as they approached the target. We did so with a mortar team, a .50 caliber M2 Browning machine gun, an automatic grenade launcher, two Negev LMG's, several M4 assault rifles with various attachments, and my job, a NATO 7.62mm FN MAG machine gun. Once everything was set up and in place, our ~15 man team gave off quite the fireworks show. I personally fired around 1700 rounds over about fifteen minutes of pounding the hill that we were "conquering". Eventually we got the order to cease fire, and we sat back and watched the impressive show as the rest of the 932nd swarmed the massive sand dune and placed the green and white 932 flag on top.

          It was an amazing sight, but it didn't come without effort. We had spent the entire night before climbing large, rocky hills. I had my gun and two boxes of chain ammunition on my person plus some other vital equipment. If I had to guess, about 80 lbs in all. Needless to say, by the time we reached our destination (two hours ahead of schedule) I was beat. My feet were blistered, my body sore and I was sweating something fierce. After reaching our planned base of fire early, we set up relatively quickly, and all we could do was lay, still sweating, on the cold sand of the Negev and wait for our drill to begin. Somewhere on that journey I can remember looking down at my G-Shock watch and it being midnight. I smiled to myself. I had made it to 2010 in good health, and I thought of my friends and family back in America getting ready to start their New Year celebrations (Israel is seven hours ahead of the U.S. East Coast). My time in the IDF was coming to an end in a few months, and I was so excited for what my future held.

The Negev Desert, Israel

        Unfortunately, my future wouldn't be so bright over the next few years. As you may know, my life quickly nosedived into drug addiction and a deep depression upon my return to America. I won't get into it too much now, but trust me, if you don't know the story, it was bad. From the winter of 2010 until July, 2013, my life was mostly spent using opiates and cocaine in their various forms, or in some sort of treatment facility. Every time New Year's came around, I got angry. I got resentful that my existence was a burden to others. I couldn't imagine going on the way that I was, but I hadn't heard of any way out of my spiral besides suicide, except I was such a coward in my active addiction that it just wasn't an option.

       Somehow, with a miraculously clear moment and a little elbow grease, I finally made it out of that place, though.  That was 18 months ago, and so much good has happened in this short period of clearheadedness. Today is New Year's Eve, exactly five years from when I was on top of that mountain in the Israeli desert as a hopeful but naive twenty year old kid. Tonight I'm going to spend what is traditionally a holiday associated with partying and rowdiness quietly sitting next to my sick girlfriend, maybe watching the ball drop in NYC on television, and I couldn't be any happier.

I am so excited for what my future holds.